And the Light Shines in Darkness

How many Charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one since his/her hands are in the air anyway.
-Or-
Five. One to change the bulb and four to bind the spirit of darkness in the room.

How many Calvinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. God has predestined when the lights will be on.
-Or-
Calvinists do not change light bulbs. They simply read out the instructions and pray the light bulb will decide to change itself.

How many neo-evangelicals does it take to change a light bulb?
No one knows. They can't tell the difference between light and darkness.

How many Pentecostals does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten. One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?
One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.

How many fundamentalists or independent Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one because any more would be compromise and ecumenical standards of light would slip.

How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb?
At least ten, as they need to hold a debate on whether or not the light bulb exists. Even if they can agree upon the existence of the light bulb, they still may not change it to keep from alienating those who might use other forms of light.

How many Anglicans or Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They always use candles.

How many Episcopalians does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten. One to call the electrician, and nine to say how much they liked the old one better. -Or-Four. One to change the bulb. One to bless the elements. One to pour the sherry. And one to offer a toast to the old light bulb.

How many Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?
CHANGE??????? -Or-
At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad.

How many Southern Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?
About 16,000,000. However, they are badly divided over whether changing the bulb is a fundamental need or not.

How many Nazarenes does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change the bulb. Another to replace the new with the old after shaking it and finding it can be revived with a second blessing. -Or-Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

How many United Church of Christ members does it take to change a light bulb?
Eleven. One to change the light bulb. And ten more to organize a covered dish supper that will follow the changing of the bulb service.

How many Lutherans does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Lutherans don't believe in change.

How many Amish does it take to change a light bulb?
What's a light bulb?

How many Unitarians does it take to change a light bulb?
300. 12 to sit on the Board which appoints the Nominating and Personnel Committee. 5 to sit on the Nominating and Personnel Committee, which appoints the House Committee. 8 to sit on the House Committee, which appoints the Light Bulb changing committee. 4 to sit on the Light Bulb Changing Committee, which chooses who will screw in the Light Bulb--those 4 then give their own opinion of "screwing in methods" while the one actually does the installation. After completion it takes 100 individuals to complain about the method of installation and another 177 to debate the ecological impact of using the light bulb at all.

How many United Methodists does it take to change a light bulb?
Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved --you can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.